Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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