Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
