I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
