Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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