Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
