I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drake has all the answers
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
