somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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