how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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