i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
