There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
