glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
