I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
