Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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