I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
