Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize