You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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