Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's like heaven, but drunker
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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