Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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