I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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