Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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