if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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