I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize