What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
