Don't you send me to vm
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
