he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
