Quick, to the slutcave!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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