So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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