yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
