She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I forgot how hot balto sounded
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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