how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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