I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
