i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
