I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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