I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
