ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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