Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
