we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
