So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
