I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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