Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
