I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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