i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
