In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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