So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
one might say we're banned from that church
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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