I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
