Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
