This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
