I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
