i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
