Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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