My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
