the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
