Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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