She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
