Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
