after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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