listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
