we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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