I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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