If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
