Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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