so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
