guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
