so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
