If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
