Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
