I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
