Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
