Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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