This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
