yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
