I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
