how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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