Farmville is her only friend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
