That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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