dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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